I’ve been thinking a lot about change lately - not just the kind that’s visible (like a growing belly or an expanding to-do list), but the kind that quietly reshapes your entire life without warning you first.

Dr. Tim Sharp (a.k.a. Dr. Happy) recently wrote about The Hidden Challenges of Making Life Changes That No One Talks About, and it couldn’t have landed in my inbox at a better time. Because while I’m thrilled to be welcoming baby number two, I’m also deep in the part no one writes cards about; the real, relentless shift happening behind the scenes.

Add in his other piece, ‘Why Nice People Don’t Finish Last’, and suddenly the threads began to weave together: kindness, transition, identity, support, asking for help, accepting it.

So I decided; this time, I’m doing it differently.

What Changed?

When I had my first baby, I didn’t do it alone. I had my family around me in Australia - a solid, loving circle to lean on. But I also went all in on doing it “right.” Every product, every must-have, every shiny, newborn-specific thing on the market. Bought brand new, researched extensively like there was some secret to uncover that would unlock being ‘successful’ at Motherhood. And honestly? Most of it barely made it past six months (if it was used at all).

What stayed with me wasn’t the stuff - it was the meals. The knowing check-ins. The company.  The quiet care.

Now, I’m 35 weeks pregnant, a solo founder of a newly launched business, parenting a four-year-old, and, yes, officially in “geriatric pregnancy” territory (cheers for that label). And I’m living far from family. This pregnancy has been humbling in ways I didn’t expect, and it’s made me even more intentional.

But here’s the beautiful part: I’ve got a village here now. A group of wildly kind and generous friends in Scotland. People who show up. People I’ve had to learn how to let in. Because this time around, I’m realising that help isn’t just a luxury - it’s the only way through.

And oh, you know what else I’m doing (as a little side note)?

I’m not prefacing every visit from a friend with a “sorry for the mess.”  I’m so done with that. Our living spaces are sometimes more chaos than calm, more cereal bowls than centrepieces, and that’s more than okay - it’s where we live life. And you know what? My friends genuinely don’t care. If anything, I think the quiet noting of that honesty and acceptance makes them feel a little more seen, too.

Doing It Differently Means: Accepting Help, Not Just Stuff

In Dr. Happy’s words, “kindness is a strength, not a weakness.” That includes the kindness we show to ourselves. The softness of accepting help when it's offered. The logic of leaning into what’s actually supportive, instead of what we’ve been told we need via commercialised gift guides and curated “must-haves”.

So instead of another checklist of baby gadgets or nursery must-haves, here’s my version of a fourth trimester “anti-gift guide.” It’s not fluffy, but it’s deeply considered and helpful. It’s grounded in food, body, and a calm environment - because that’s what this season really needs.

My Fourth Trimester Anti-Gift Guide

(A.K.A. the things that will actually help us thrive)

Food is the hero. Full stop.

• The Food Doula: 3, 5 or 7 Day Postpartum Bundle: Warming, nourishing meals designed with new mums in mind. I won’t be cooking, I’ll be recovering.
• FieldGoods: The Classics Bundle: For the whole family. Feels like comfort, tastes delicious..
• Pots for Tots: Meals for my daughter, because life doesn’t stop, and healthy pre-made meals takes away so much pressure (not to mention alleviates that weird, unjustified Mum guilt).

• The One-Handed Eats Bundle: Basically snacks I can eat at 2am, baby in one arm, juggling life in the other.  There’s healthy, practical, indulgent - perfection.

Self Care + Movement

• Bare Mum Postpartum Recovery Kit: Everything you need for that stage. Cooling pads, soothing sprays, mesh briefs - it’s the self-care version of “I’ve got you.” Practical, effective, and just a little bit luxurious. Because your body deserves more than a wing-it recovery plan.
• Elevate by Lauren Anderson Online Pilates Membership:  Movement that meets you where you are.  No bouncing back. No burpees at 6 weeks. Just gentle, intentional movement from someone who truly gets it. Lauren’s online membership is pre- and postnatal safe, mum-designed, and full of strength-building softness. For when your body needs support, not pressure. For when movement is less about fitness, and more about feeling.
• Dook Bath Salts:  A magnesium-rich reason to pause. When the baby’s down and the house is quiet(ish), I’m soaking in salts and silence. Five minutes in the tub = full nervous system reset.
• The Sabi Mama Infusions Set: Herbal tea blends created for this time. I’ll be sipping these in the blurry bits between feeds - grounding, warming, and gently powerful. Caffeine-free kindness in a cup.

Calm Home + Headspace

• The School of Life Journal:  Because my brain won’t be at its best, but I’ll still need to remember feed times, appointments, and tiny things that feel big. For notes, reflection, messy thoughts and small wins. This one’s for my head and my heart.
• Apricot Robe (Revivre): Feels like softness wrapped in peace. For feeding, cuddling, and the kind of lounging that’s really just survival with style. It’s the robe I’ll live in. Maybe even sleep in. Definitely greet guests in (messy house and all - no apologies).
• The Gentle Reset by Align Services (Edinburgh): An in-home recalibration for the mind. A deep clean, clean sheets and all.
• Her Gentle Habits Bundle:  Small rituals that help me feel like myself again. This bundle brings calm, clarity and a bit of ceremony to the everyday. Think: incense, journal and a quiet moment alone (or cuddling). Bliss.

This Time Around, It’s Not About Perfection

I’m not trying to do it all. I’m not trying to get it “right.” I’m trying to be supported. I’m leaning into help, into kindness, into systems that honour what this next season really is: a life transition, not just a baby one.

The science says kindness makes us more resilient, more successful, more grounded. The lived experience tells me it’s true.

So here’s to the real list. The things that help when the hormones hit and the house is a mess. The kindness we give and accept. The support that actually supports.